You Wouldn't Understand
by Auramaster724
Summary: Heartache is hard in highschool, As Jose travles down the road to recovery he falls into depression, hating Life for what it has done to him,he pushes away his family and friends. Can Jose Recover? Or will the razor blade continue to bring relief...
1. The beginning of the Pain

_**THIS IS A FIC THAT TELLS ABOUT MY DEPRESSION DURING MY SENIOR YEARIN HIGH SCHOOL, IT TELLS OF THE HEARTACHE ONE GOES THROUGH AND THE DIFFICULT JOURNY IT TOLLS ON ONE'S MIND, IT COMFORTS AND SENDS INTO HATE ONCE AGAIN. THE WAY MY CHARACTER TREATS THE SONIC TEAM IS THE WAY I TREATED OTHERS WHEN GOING THOUGH THIS DIFFICULT ROAD, I LOST FRIENDS ALONG GAINED FRIENDS AS YOU WILL SEE AS THE STORY PROGRESSES. THIS STORY ISNT JUST ABOUT READER ENTERTAINMENT, IT'S TO SHOW GUDIANCE, SHOWING THAT LOVE HURTS ALONG WITH DEPRESSEION AND THE EFFECTS IT DOES TO THE HUMAN MIND. THIER ARE NO POWERS IN THIS FIC, JUST REGULAR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, NO CHAOS EMERALDS, NO EGGMAN ATTACKS, NO END OF THE WORLD, JUST HIGH SCHOOL**_

_**I ONLY OWN JOSE AND THE PLOT OF THIS STORY**_

_**SEGA OWNS SONIC AND COMPANY**_

_**THANKS TO SONICTHESHAPESHIFTER FOR TELLING ME TO WRITE ON "HOW I'M FEELING SINCE I'M STILL DEPRESSED"**_

_**SPECIAL THANKS TO SHELBY THE HEDGEHOG, SHE IS MY INSPIRATION TO CONTINUE ON FANFICTION, IF IT WASNT FOR HER I WOULD OF DROPPED EVERYTHNG LIKE LAST TIME**_

_**IF ANYTHING PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME, I'LL TRY MY BEST TO RESPOND SINCE I'M GRONDED**_

_**AURAMASTER724 ^..^**_

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_You wouldn't understand, You wouldn't understand my pain that I go through everyday. My life isn't as happy as others, I go to school and act if I'm the "never sad kid" cheering others up, the kid you can always go to when your depressed but when I get depressed..who do I go to..._

"Jose it's getting late, get your ass ready for school or your going to miss the school bus "

_sigh, parents they wouldn't understand what I'm going through right now...Parents they think they know everything but the truth is they don't_

"I'm up, god damn"

I stood up from my bed and itched my quills, my mirror reflected a gold hedgehog with spiky head quills, while the back arked up in the top while the bottoms arched down. At the end of each end was a medium blue colored diamond; his dark blue emerald eye's gazed back into mine

_failure...your a god damn failure_

I looked down and saw my steel toe boots, I picked it up and chocked it at the mirror causing it to crack on impact.

*sigh*

I stood up and walked over to my closet, I pulled out a black shirt along with black jean shorts, I slowly slipped into my cloths, thinking aimlessly

_what is my purpose in the world...I've grown so...hollow inside...my past relationship...I realized...that she never loved me, her Friends told me other wise with facts. Why did she hold the relationship this long if she didn't even love me...did she do it for satisfaction?....was it for her own personal game?...was it so she can make someone else feel the pain that she has gone through?..._

"Jose if you dont get your ass down here by this very second I'm going to come up thier and whip your ass"

*sigh*

_damn parents...they can all rot in hell for all I care_

I slipped on my one boot and walked over to the cracked mirror to slip on the other, I looked at the image the mirror reflected now...it was twisted, demonic....monster looking...

_monster..._

I walked over to the end of my room and picked up my book bag heading downstairs, step after step I felt like horrible, I didn't want to go to school, I have'nt gone for nine days, just laying on my bed and for all I care I would miss this day just so I can get kicked out...

"Jose...sorry for yelling I just don't want you to get kicked out for missing to many days"

I didn't bother looking at my mom...she wouldn't understand my pain

"yeah whatever I don't care"

"young man you should care we're talking about your education"

"well my education can blow me a balloon for all I care, fuck everyone"

I walked out of the house slamming the door, I didn't care about school anymore, I hated everything, everyone, they wouldn't understand my pain, I'm tired of being used for people's own personal amusment, I just want to be...left alone. I felt my heartache with pain, it's been almost three months since I've been like this, I started to inflicted physical pain on myself just to relief the sadness and hatred burrowed inside me.

_fucking..._

I lost thought when a yellow school bus rode up to the stop sign

"well well well if it isn't the trouble maker, finally decided to come back to school"

I looked up and saw a big fat grizzly bear wearing a blue jeans with a white tee-shirt, his smile was filled with cockiness as he tilted his hat forward, he was pretty tall but mostly fat

"fuck off"

I walked up the steps of the school bus and looked at all of the faces, each one was different from people talking to others listening to music, from day dreamers to bus sleepers their was a couple even making out. My eye twitched, looking at them made me sick

_look at them, kissing thinking oh, our relationship is gold, we're never going to break up, we're so happy with each other, she/he is never going to leave me...just....just...die already_

I clenched my fist as I started to walk down the isle of seats

"JOSE!!!!!"

I turned my attention to the seat all the way in the back, their was a pink hedgehog in a red vest and white tee-shirt, she was waving her hand which tend to make an annoying cling sound since she wore five bracelets on one hand. Her spines were held back by her red head band which had a rose at the end of it; her red skirt matched her vest and red boots

*sigh*

_Like I need to deal with Amy right now_

I walked over and took a seat next to her placing my backpack in the isle

"Jose your back were you go?"

I looked at Amy as she teased my absents

"..."

She looked at me and gave me a faint smile

"oh Jose I was only joking you don't have to take things seriously, sheesh ever since your last break up with "you know who" you've been acting so...diff rent"

Her comment made me mad

_oh I wander why, if you had your heart ripped in to you feel the same way. If Sonic promised he never leave you no matter what and you believe him, the next day the say look it's not working out how would you feel? how would you feel if Sonic said your relationship felt like a long distance and that he doesn't have the "strength" then Breaks up with you two weeks later...what do you know, he's in a long distance relationship...god damn you don't understand since you guys are "never going to break up" and that you guys would "die" if you broke up, your god damn fools, believing in something so pointless_

"Jose..you alright?"

I looked at Amy who had a concern look on her face, she looked as if she was worried, but she didn't care, I'm just one of those "people" that she can talk to when theirs no one else to talk to her.

"STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CARE, JUST SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE"

Amy flinched at my comment, everyone in the school bus stopped what they were doing and looked toward us

_fucking nosey assholes_

"WHAT, DO I HAVE SOMETHING ON MY FACE!"

everyone looked away and went back to what they were doing, I turned my attention back to Amy, she was looking out the window, confusion along with Sadness was written all over her face. She looked at me and had teary eyes

"Jose" She cried soflty, "how can you say that, you know I care for you, your my friend...the one I can always turn to when...I'm depressed"

_point proven from earlier, I'm everyone's wall that they can lean on when they have "troubles" but who can I lean on...no one...I'm never trusting anyone ever again...not after what she did to me_

"I'm sorry...."

Amy looked at me and wiped her face of potential tears

"Jose...what happen to you...your...not the Jose that I met in junior high...please talk to me"

I was about to tell her everything bu the bus stopped in front of the school, I looked out the window and saw students of all kind, I looked back at Amy and saw the couple in the bus at the corner of my eye, they were holding hands, whispering little notes of love through their ear's. Hate started to fill my body once again, all of the pain reaching it's tipping point. I looked back at Amy, I picked up my book bag and stood from the seat leaving her behind

_Amy...you wouln't understand...._


	2. Pain's Satisfaction

It was the middle of the day, twelve o clock to be exact, as the sun beam through the window I placed my head down on my desk and started to think

*flashback*

"Jose!"

I turn around and saw Amy running up to me, she grabbed my arm and refused to let go

"Let go!"

I jerked my arm away from her looked at her in the eye's, She was filled with confusion I could see that but what can she do, she can't help, she can't take this pain away.

"Jose, please tell me what's wrong I want to help"

*sigh*

I looked down, I didn't know what to do, she I tell her….no…I can't get hurt…not again

"Its nothing Amy just…leave me alone"

At that moment her face started to bloat up as she puffed her cheeks, she started stomping with one foot

"Jose I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me what's wrong!"

Amy ran in front of me trying to block my entrance to the school, I laughed at her attempt

"Fine, Looks like I don't have to go to school today, matter of fact I don't have to come back after today then"

I turn around and walked the opposite direction of the school

"Oh no you don't"

I felt Amy grab my arm, she tugged and dragged me into the school, I put up quiet a fight to break free but she did not let go

"Let go Amy"

"No!"

_God damn, just let me go, you don't know what I'm going through. Why do you care? You can't help, you don't know what I'm going through or been. Your still in a "relationship" with Sonic, how can you help someone who's in heartache if you're blinded by love?  
_

I yanked my arm away from Amy's

"I can take myself to class"

"You better!"

I walked in the hall's looking at all of the students, all of them living there so called "happy" lives, living in no regret, no pain, anguish, nothing all happy.

_Look at them, acting so happy, as if live can't get any better…_

The warning bell interrupted my train of thought, sighing I walked down the hallway making a left and entering the first class

"Alright class today in Crafts1 were going to finishing up our jewelry project"

*sigh*

I looked at the teacher with such disgust, she was a Worm eater with red hair, she was around her mid thirty's and had a voice that sound like nails to a chalk board. As everyone in the class started to work on their project I placed my head down on the desk

"Jose"

_Argh, what the hell does she want now_

I looked up at the teacher who was hovering over me

"Jose I'm glad to see that your back you must have been sick to have missed nine days"

I looked at her and grunted

"Are you done?"

She looked at me with quiet shock

"I don't think you should be talking to me like that"

"Whatever"

I placed my head down waiting for her to leave, after a couple of minutes she gave up and went to another table. I looked around seeing if anyone was looking, so far the coast was clear. I reached into my book bag and pulled out a black stapler

_Finally….relief…_

I placed the stapler against my arm and pounded it down. I gasped at first in the pain but smiled dreadfully.

_Ah…yes…pain…it feels so good…._

I continue to staple my arm for another fifth teen minutes, I looked down at my arm that was now covered in staples, I liked what I did, spelling hate with the staples seem to please the sadness that burrowed in me. I placed the stapler back into my book and pulled out a medical band.

_I have to wrap this around my arm…so nobody see's….they wouldn't understand this pain…this is the only way to satisfy it_

I wrapped the medical bandage around my arm and rested till the end of the period.

*end flashback*

I looked down at my arm that was covered in medical bandage, it started to pulse as the skin formed around the staples, I could tell by now that these were going to be a beautiful when I rip them out and watch them bleed

"Ok class were going to be working in pairs in this assignment"

I looked up and gazed at the falcon teacher, of course since he was the world studies teacher he looked like he belong as a tour guy to a museum of world history. His feathers were dark blue; his shirt was a bright white long sleeve dress shirt with a blue tie tan dress pants and formal brown shoes.

"Ok we're going to chose partners by the cards"

_Ugh how I hate those cards, always jipping people of their grades when we don't have a homework assignment done_

"Ok first pair is….Amy and Sonic"

I looked at the head of the class and saw Amy squealing in joy as she heard her name called with Sonic. Sonic gazed back at her and smiled. He wore a dark blue shirt that matched his fur color with black jeans. His green emerald eye's gazed back into as Amy moved her seat next to his and leaned against him

_Ugh, puke feast, god damn I hate it when people show PDA, look at them it makes me sick_

As the teacher continue to name partners I reached into my book bag and pulled out my Mp3 player and listen to some music

I felt someone tap my shoulder, I removed my headphones and looked up

"Um…hey the class is over"

I placed my hand on my forehead, I must have dazed off during class, and meh won't be the first time. I picked up my stuff and walked toward the door.

"Hey wait"

I stopped and looked back, it was a lavender cat, and she wore a black long sleeve tee-shirt with blue jeans. She had a belt choker around her neck. Her hair was pointed upward like if it represented a crown, it was held by a red band. This cat girl walked to me and extended her hand

"I'm Blaze, Blaze the cat and I'm your partner"

_Blaze….isn't she in my other classes?_

"Yes I am in your other class"

I gave her a shocked looked in amazement

"How—"

"Well the look on your face was actually the key, you looked like you were studying me as if we met, yes we have first period together, and you know crafts"

"Whatever"

I walked out of the class room and into the hallway, I heard her footsteps following me, I quicken my pace and she did the same.

_What the fuck does she want, god, I want to be alone so I can rip these staples out_

I stop in my tracks, unfortanually for her she crashed into me causing both of us to fall down.

"Argh, why the hell are you following me?"

I pushed her off slightly; she sat on the floor picking up her papers as I stood up brushing myself off

"Well for one, we're partners for history, Mr. Talon paired us up, and two"

She cut herself off as she stood up and brushed her pants off with her open hand

"Two, you need the papers so you can do your half of the project, don't think I like this as much as you do, I notice that you changed, and don't say you have, I'm friends with Amy and she tells me everything"

I growled at her statement, of course she's friends with Amy, everyone is to top it all off Amy is spreading shit saying that I changed.

"Hey…Hey!"

I snapped out of thought and saw Blaze waving papers in my face. I lashed the papers out of her hand and folded them putting them in my pocket. I started walking I heard her in the background shouting "gee thanks for, not even a thank you, damn jerk"

_Heh, you have no idea what a jerk is, and nor do you want to know_

I heard the second bell ring as I continue walking down the hallway, there was running since it was last lunch of the day, mostly seniors and juniors, my lunch.

"Hey Jose!"

_Not again, Jesus Christ_

I turned around and saw Amy running my way; she was dragging Sonic by his hand as they headed for the lunch room.

"I'm not going to lunch Amy"

I saw her face twist from happy to angry. She stopped in front of me, giving me a mean glare

"Oh come on Jose, you haven't been in school for nine days, don't you want to see the gang?"

"No"

Simply putted I turned around and walked away, I heard her having one of her usual temper, I also her Sonic telling her to calm down that it was no big deal….something around those lines. As I past students in the hall way I walked up the stairs toward the lockers were there were no teachers most of the time.

_Perfect, no one in sight _

I leaned against one of the lockers and slumped down until I was sitting on the floor; I unwrapped the medical bandage and looked at the staples, they started to black in blue in which I was happy, more pain to seep out, more…satisfaction….

I took out a pencil from my pocket and placed it under one staple

_Alright…lets do this…got to do it quick so it bleeds more_

I yanked the staple up causing pain to course through my arm, the halls echo slightly with my groans as I continue to pull out the staples in my arm

"Argh….ahhhhhhh……grrrraahhhh"

I started to pant heavily as blood dripped from my arm to the school's carpet as I looked at the last staple I looked at the blood running quickly down my arm, those words…they kept ringing in my ears. Even when my ear's fold back I could still hear those words.

_The wounds are too deep…I need to keep the scars…to prove there was a time…When I loved something more than life_

I looked at the last staple that was hiding in blood, its dark red color with the steel tint color was almost memorizing, I stab the pencil tip underneath the staple and yelled closing my eyes.

"ARRRRRRGHHHHH!!!.....AHHHHHHRRRGRRRRAGG"

I open my eyes and smiled in amazement, I started to chuckle lightly looking at the big rip that caused blood to flow out like a river. At that moment I heard a gasp; I turn my head and looked at a terrified purple cat

"Jo…Jose…"

I smiled at her weakly and stood up. There were small puddles of blood on the floor and as more blood dripped from my hand you could hear the blood making water droplets sounds as they hit the small pools.

The cat walked back slowly, terrified at what she has just saw

"What…are you doing here Blaze?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here?! My locker is here I forgot my gym shorts for next period but then I heard faint yelps, I came rushing to the sound and found you….MY GOD JOSE WE NEED TO GET YOU TO THE NURSE"

"NO!"

My yell seem to have frighten her, she backed away slowly

"Don't you dare take me to the nurse she can't help me, she doesn't understand, nobody does"

"O…o…ok wait here then, I got an old shirt to cover up your arm so it stops bleeding"

Blaze ran the opposite direction stumbling at first, while I stood there with my eye's turning heavy and weak smiling weakly

_Finally….relief for this pain….it feels so good….watching the blood of a worthless life bleed out…finally….this will answer my question…this will quench the pain…._

_Yes this chapter was pretty gruesome toward the end but sorry, its….an actual event that happen during my depression…cutting didn't seem to fill the need for relief so…that…did….either way….chapter 2 is finished as you just read…as of chapter 3 idk when that will b done since I am grounded from the computer and I have to sneak on to do ff now either way, if any questions just leave a message or review_


End file.
